Top 10 of All Time, #4: “Review: Bonobos Men’s Clothing (Fit Changes Everything)”
As much as I would like to claim that snazzy slogan (Fit Changes Everything) as my own… sadly I cannot. It likely belongs to some smarty-pants marketing firm or design guy from camp Bonobos. But, regardless of where it came from… in this instance… it fits! (pun intended)
To say that we (the guys of theWGUB) are die-hard fashionistas would be a bit of a stretch. We know what looks great, we quietly sit in our offices idolizing high-society money spenders of the Hollywood elite and we’ve even picked up an item or two after getting high on elegance after a Thursday luncheon at the Ivy on N. Robertson Blvd… but never before have we felt like an actual part of the fashion world like we did when we adorned ourselves in our latest discovery. Enter… Bonobos.
When we decided that “Dammit… we’re sexy beasts with mad writing skills and we deserve to look the part too….” we did as any fashion conscious geek would do… we started Googling. The Usual suspects hit our radar; Ralph Lauren, Nautica, True Religion, etc., then we saw it. The word “Bonobos”. Intriguing… interesting… absolutely worth further inspection. So we dug deeper and saw something brilliant… something that sealed any doubt that we may have had about this interestingly named designer. Their Mission Statement:
We started Bonobos to solve a simple problem: men’s pants just don’t fit well. They’re either too tight to be comfortable or too baggy to look good. But by innovating in a few key areas, we’ve developed a fit that actually looks and feels great for a wide variety of men.
Holy Crap!!!! These are practically the exact words we said when talking about the crappy state of clothes today. Everything seems mass-produced for the plumper crowds our country is sadly accepting as the new norm. An XL today is an XXL from the 50’s (Hell… did they even make an XXL in the 50’s???). We’ve gotten out of control… and Bonobos recognizes this. They claim that they make clothes to fit… so, we took them up on their statement and got three items; a regular t-shirt, a pair of travel jeans and swim trunks. Here’s what we found:
Travel Jeans ($98) – The short answer… most. comfortable. jeans. EVER!!! The best way I can begin to describe wearing these insanely comfortable pair of jeans is by saying it felt like I didn’t have anything on at all. (yeah… hope that came out right) It was like I just covered my legs in some kind of magical fabric woven from angels. My legs were warm… but far from hot. It breathed like a bad 80’s mess shirt… but when I spilled water on it beaded up and rolled off. It stretched… but didn’t look stretchy. And best of all… I look F’ing fantastic in them!!! I mean my ass pops, my legs have amazing form and hot-damn I look sexy. How can this be? I’ll admit… at that first moment I put them on i thought they were going to be a little restrictive… you know… “down there”. But once I started moving around everything just worked. Did I find myself constantly checking myself out in mirrors and random reflections? Yup. And the ladies noticed too!!! Add in the pretty dope selection of colors (that are just colorful enough for style… but not so colorful that your bros will give you funny looks) and Bonobos’ travel jeans series are rocking. $98 sounds like a lot at first… but you will absolutely wear these all the time. I’ve had them for 2 months now and after plenty of wear, combined with several washings… they look as fantastic and are as equally comfortable as the day I first pulled them on. Magic!
Bonobos Est. 2007 Navy T ($28) – Then I put on the T-shirt… WTF!!!! It’s almost as if they weave their fabric with shrooms… once the material presses up against your skin the sensation of unicorn hair and Mermaid kisses cause sexy-nipple-hardening chills to course across your chest. What is this? There is no way this is merely 100% cotton!!!! NO WAY!!! Much like the jeans above… this simple tee fit me with a closeness and delicate embrace I’ve never felt from an item of clothing. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it gave me a little chub. Gross? Maybe… but damn this shirt feels amazing. It was cut with such exacting measures that it neither bellowed off of me like a poorly fashioned tent… or did it hug me so tightly and uncomfortably that I was afraid my nipples would cut right through them. There is an undefined softness that elevates this simple t-shirt to the most comfortable thing hanging in my closet. It makes me feel special.
Low-Tides Midnight Blue Swim Shorts ($65) – Ok… so $65 may seem a little much on a pair of swim-trunks… but let me set you straight guys. You’re stupid. When was the last time you bought swim trunks? Yeah… that’s what I thought. You buy them once… and wear the shit out of them for 3 months straight for somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-5 years in a row. Right? They get punished by pool bleach, sea-water, and (being honest here) you pretty much piss in them every time you put them on. Ew! One thing that I quickly realized on my first outing with my pair of Bonobos swim trunks is that they are designed timeless. Made of the softest and most comfortable Polyester (100%) I’ve ever rested against my junk… these shorts are stylish, durable and (somehow) dry incredibly fast. How do they do that?!?! Speaking more towards the style (which, by the way, my ass also looks amazing in)… you can go back in time to 1960, or slip them on in 2015… and they will remain the hottest thing in the water!! Their pool/beach versatile and can easily be adorned with a tee and flippy-floppies to tackle your neighborhood bar. You never know when a promp-tu pool party will take place so be prepared. Oh, and before I forget… it closes up with both velcro and a ridiculously soft draw string so that evil little version of you will stay safely tucked away… regardless of how amazing that last dive was. PS – Did you see the Banana in the pic?? tee-hee
In the end – I’ve never felt sexier and more stylish than I did when donned from head-to-toe in the badassery that is Bonobos Men’s wear. So… did it transform me into the living breathing clone of Brad Pitt or George Clooney… hell no. But it somehow made me feel sexy… which gave me more confidence… which women love. So… yeah, Bonobos elevated me to the next level of sexy beastery. And I LOVE IT!!!!
The Bonobos Guideshop gives men the opportunity to shop the previously online-only brand in-person with a complimentary Bonobos Guide – an expert trained in fit and style to guide men through the apparel, educate them on fit, and provide style tips to work with their current wardrobe. Bonobos launched the Guideshop concept to make men’s shopping experience easy and personalized without the premium price tag and time commitment. Whether guys are rebuilding their entire wardrobe or simply want to discover how Bonobos fits without purchasing, appointments take less than 45-minutes and can just as quickly and easily be scheduled at www.bonobos.com/guides.
Check out their Facebook too HERE.